Always see “real women” posts so here’s one for the dudes.
this says so much. I wish there were more posts like this. please.
body positivity and realistic body standards are important for guys too!
Men are constantly reassured that it’s okay to oogle women and harrass them about their looks. Women rarely see sexualized images of men that are made for women.
Guys get eye candy everywhere they go. Their sexual gaze is constantly catered to. Women* are rarely given the opportunity to have their sexual interest entertained. We’re told that we should be okay with having nothing to look at. That our fantasies don’t matter. That we shouldn’t ever even remotely expect to be able to eyeball a svelte man in public, only behind closed doors and heaven forbid that the man look vulnerable. So we finally get to see images that turn us on and people are like, “Hey, you can’t put that in magazines! that might hurt some little boy’s feelings!”
Men are given alternative physical images to aspire to. Women are not.
While yes, guys should be treated to body positivity too… they already are. Just watch TV or any comedy and count the number of pudgy, out of shape, male leads vs pudgy, out of shape female leads. Or the number of hairy, overweight, older men making block buster movies vs the number of hairy, overweight, older women. Now count how many times that male character has some incredibly smart, sexy wife who does everything for him. And then how many times she’s the butt of the joke when he gets hot for some woman who’s younger and thinner than she is.
Fuck, just look at the responses to women not shaving their legs vs the responses to guys not shaving off their stubble.
Name six movies about a woman above the age of forty who’s love interest is a man that’s younger than she is where the plot doesn’t revolve around her being the butt of a cougar or mom joke. Now name me six where a man over the age of forty’s love interest is a woman who’s significantly younger than he is. Bonus points for action movies where anyone in the movie makes a mention of the age difference.
How many times are male politician or CEO’s body or style of dress put into question? How many times are female’s? Or has everyone forgotten how we flip out when the president’s wife gets a new hair cut? Or how Hillary Clinton had to have a FUCKING MAKE OVER before the news agencies took her seriously? How many times was her daughter raked over the coals for looking like an average teenager?
What’s more, I’ve never heard any of my female friends or my mother and her female friends saying, “Why can’t my 50 year old husband get a six pack like that?” What I USUALLY here is “I wish my husband would get a nice hair cut.” or “I wish he’d wear some nicer clothes that actually fit him.”
But what i hear overhear men saying all time is, “No fat chicks!” or “I wish my wife had bigger boobs.”
I know a woman who’s husband threatened to leave her if she didn’t get a face lift and a boob job- she was so upset that she did it. She felt disgusting every day because she wasn’t a size six and he expected her to be a size six after bearing him four kids. My own uncle said if his wife got overweight that he’d drag her behind a car until she lost weight. These aren’t even “bad guys”! They seem like perfectly nice men when you meet them! But they’re taught from the moment they’re kids that all women need to be a certain body type to be worthy of any attention.
Men are told through our culture’s stories and media that a woman will still love them unconditionally and throw themselves at them if they’re fat, old, balding, or an asshole, while women are told that if they’re pushy, fat, old or wearing out of style clothes that they aren’t even worth mentioning.
*While I’m bisexual, but I’m not a lesbian so I can’t speak for what a lesbian finds attractive anymore than I can say what a gay man might find attractive. I’m talking about the female gaze toward men in general. We each have our individual tastes tho.
As a feminist, I’m gonna say this as nicely as I can. Shut up, Batchix.
This post was supposed to make normal, average joes feel good about themselves, and you know what you just did? You bitched your ass off. “Hey men, is there a post that makes you feel good about yourself? Well, you know what?! Fuck you, I’m pissed!” You’re not being a feminist, you’re being an asshole - a very immature asshole.
Sure men don’t have to worry about looks as much as women, but then again, women don’t have to worry about having a high paying job, now do they? How many times do we see movies where men are supposed to be intellectual, strong or filthy rich in order to get the girl.
Now look at it this way, one may seem shallow while the other is more attainable, but it’s not the case. It’s so difficult for men to get jobs, especially one’s which pay well. Men aren’t born being more intelligent than women either. Sure it’s hard for the woman to rise in society to making the same amount of money as men, but then again, we get more respect for trying, and it’s not a requirement for dating.
Men who go after women for their money are considered lowly. We criticize men for being with women who are more intelligent, strong, wealthy, or taller than them.
Don’t you realize that we’re just as bad?
Do you realize that a man is unable to comment on his grief or seek refuge from the media because of dumb ass “feminists,” who feel that men can’t complain, because women have it worse?
We insult men who cry, who are insecure, etc. but when a woman does it, we flood her with pity and understanding. “It’s the media’s fault babe, don’t you worry, you’re beautiful.” How many times do we do that for men? They feel unsupported, and lonely.
Sure, maybe we might have it slightly worse, but commenting on a post that was made to help men with some all out “men are dicks, women have it worse,” spiel is rude, ignorant and just outright irksome!
I don’t know about you, but I ogle at men, all the damn time. You know what they do? They smile, or wave, or they approach me to talk. It’s normal to find someone attractive and admire their body. In fact, it’s normal. No one’s a saint. By discouraging men from ogling, you’re inadvertently telling women to suppress their sexuality. You should say that ogling is alright, and that women should do it too. It’s fine for a woman who be just as animalistic and openly sexual as a man, you know why? Because we /are/ animals, and there’s nothing wrong with sexuality. That’s a feminist notion, by the way.
Feminism isn’t about putting men down or making them feel bad for having it better than us for such a long period of time, and etc. Feminism is about treating women as equals, and encouraging women to be bold, and fearless, and to forget about society’s shallow, ignorant views on the roles of women.
I will not stand for women who call themselves feminists, and are the epitome of the “angry-raging-batshit-crazy-feminist” archetype. Feminism isn’t a joke, and your comment only prompts otherwise calm men into going against our movement.
THANK YOU. “What about the womens!” isn’t any more welcome that “what about the menz!”, and no doubt she’d rage if someone hit up a post about women’s body positivity to derail it that way. “The patriarchy hurts men too”, as the cliche goes, and the men it hurts need to be able to talk about and seek reassurance for that somewhere.
But I wouldn’t argue that anyone is “just as bad”, just that both of these are problems and it’s irrelevant which is worse. People of all genders, shapes, sizes, colours, and abilities, should be able to admire and be admired, even if none of us are to everyone’s taste. Nobody should feel their body is worthless, and too many people do.
I like that women are freer to be shallow and openly sexual in these enlightened times. I like that media is trying, slowly but surely, to cater to what they find physically attractive as well. Frankly, everything is much more fun that way, the game of dating and sexuality is much more enjoyable when it’s carried out between equals. But us John and Jane Does out here need to have a bit of empathy for each other.
Find whoever you like attractive, Say so, loud and proud. Maybe even say it to them, just for a change of pace (it is astonishing how many people have never heard or even had space to consider the possibility that someone finds them nice to look at). But have a care for the feelings of the people you don’t find attractive. Just because they’re not for you doesn’t mean they’re not for anyone, and it particularly doesn’t mean you should tell them they aren’t for anyone.
(on a completely unrelated note, I should treat myself to some underwear shopping this holiday season. :D)